New York City's Lack of Box Stores

I love living in NYC, but there are so times when I miss big box stores like COSTCO. Besides the free samples and the ability to buy 10 jars of spaghetti sauce for only $20, it is also the mentality of the shoppers that I miss- there was some pretty good people watching in these places!

In honor of COSTCO, I thought I’d share this internet joke that was just passed along by my friend, Michelle....

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!

Technology of disappearing...

With as accessible as everyone is today through social networking, it is kind of amazing how easily you can make someone’s presence disappear too. Block someone from Facebook (or if someone blocks you) and it’s like they never existed. You don’t see them in friend lists, you don’t see their posts, all wall communications disappear. It’s almost like the friendship never happened...

Your Life in Song

Found this on Facebook and it sounded like fun! So here’s my version...

ONE ARTIST, ONE SONG!
Using your favourite artist, see if you can answer each question using one of their song titles.

Artist: Toad The West Sprocket

Are you male or female: One Little Girl

Describe yourself: Butterflies

How do you feel about yourself: Nothing is Alone

Describe your current boy/girl situation: Don’t Fade

Describe where you currently live: Little Heaven

If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: Walk On The Ocean

Your favourite form of transportation: One Wind Blows

Your best friend(s) is (are): Nothing Is Alone

Your favorite colour is: Pale Blue

Favourite time of day: Nightingale Song

If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: Scenes From A Vinyl Recliner

Describe the world's current predicament: Whatever I Fear

Where do you suspect you might end up in the afterlife?: Little Budda

What is life to you: Always Changing Probably

What is the best advice you have to give: I Will Not Take These Things For Granted

Subway etiquette

A note to the man standing next to the center pole in the subway car...

Please do not lean the entire length of your 6'3" body against the
pole when there are passengers standing nearby.
I don't need your sweaty back resting against my hand, nor your armpit
squeezing my fingers. You have two appendages, complete with opposable
thumbs, with which to steady yourself. Please use accordingly.

Thank you.

LA steals NYC acronym

Um, so I was just on a message board, and a post-er’s profile showed his location as “WeHo.” I can only assume this means West Hollywood, stealing the acronym idea from NYC (and London’s) SoHo.

Yeah... so - how does one pronounce that?

‘WEE-hoe’ - This is one step away from Weeble Wobble. Maybe it’s a baby Weeble.

‘WAY-hoe’ - Sounds like another swear word in Spanish (which might be needed in LA. I am a Southern California girl. I learned Spanish swear words before English ones.)

‘WUH-hoe’ - That just sounds like someone garbling, “What, hoe?” Sounds snarky, if you ask me.

What do you think?

Men are weird

I was at a coffeeshop yesterday and I overheard a man ask a woman, who was standing in line and presumably a stranger, "Is your hair naturally curly? Can I touch it?" That’s weird enough, but the creepy factor went off the charts when he asked, "Did that hurt? No? That's weird- hair is supposed to hurt when you touch it."

Do you have a soundtrack to your life?

I heard a guy on the subway playing the theme to "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" through his cell phone, and he punctuated the tune with "Yeehaw!" and vocal imitations of gunfire. He got off at my same stop, and transfered underground to my same connecting train, all the while doing the sound effects and holding up the phone to have everyone hear the music. In an odd way, it felt like I was in a film and this was my soundtrack.

NY Art

I really enjoyed this online exhibition by Peter Funch, showing people on the streets of New York City... with a twist:

http://www.v1gallery.com/artist/show/3

(It appears that this website is a rotating exhibition. If the link no longer leads to Peter’s work, you can find it on his own website under “Babel Tales.”)

Good Ol' Brain Power

I am listening to a 90s station and am wondering how I can rid her brain of song lyrics by the likes of Wilson Phillips and Tony Toni Tone. Seriously- I need that extra space.

A Tribute to Mom

I just found this survey online and decided to answer it about my mom:

1. What is something mom always says to you?
People will treat you the way you let them treat you.

2. What makes mom happy?
Getting a call from her children.

3. What makes mom sad?
When she doesn't know if her children are safe.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
By telling goofy jokes.

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Shy.

6. How old is your mom?
I know but I am not telling.

7. How tall is your mom?
5'3".

8. What is moms favorite thing to do?
Play tennis, if only her knees would let her.

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
Read and play sudoku.

10. What do you think mom will become famous for?
Making people feel welcome.

11. What is your mom really good at?
Trivial Pursuit.

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Getting jokes.

13. What does your mom do for her job?
She's enjoying early retirement.

14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
Beef Chimichangas.

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Her perseverance.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Wilma Flintstone. Sensible, Patient, Gorgeous.

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Go shopping, watch movies, drink wine.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We have the same facial expressions in pictures when we don't smile.

19. How are you and your mom different?
She is tan. Really unfair.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
She always listens, and makes me feel important.

21. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
Maybe New York City, now. But Greece and Italy too.

22. How do you know that Daddy loves Mommy?
Well, I knew that he did because he was broken without her.

23. What is your mom’s favorite color?
Hmmm.... this one I don't know. I know she likes to wear blacks and browns and corals and some turquoise. I know she likes to have the yellow piece in Trivial Pursuit. She likes roses in the pink family. I don't actually know her favorite color, though.

24. What is mom scared of?
Snakes, though she is getting better and better about them.

25. What is mom’s favorite TV show?
Survivor, The Biggest Loser, American Idol. Hmmm... all reality shows, huh?